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One Month

It's been almost a month since I've last written on here.  Not sure if anyone has missed me, but then I approach this whole blog thing with the mindset of "write like nobody is reading".  Right?  Right!  Onward to the update!

Things I've been up to:

  1. I've written two picture books and will submit one to a contest!
  2. I'm on another rewrite of my middle grade novel!
  3. I'm working with a friend to get business cards and a nifty logo for being an author!
  4. I'm working with my brother-in-law for illustrations for the book!
  5. I've solicited a temp agency for work because I'm not getting paid to write!
  6. I've gotten diddlysquat from the temp agency!
  7. I just applied to a job!  Operations Coordinator.  
  8. Why would I apply for a job?  Especially Operations Coordinator?
  9. Because I probably should get out of the house more often.
  10. The money would be cool to have.
  11. But I'll miss Grace.
So about that.  My husband made an excellent analogy awhile back about my relationship with G.  My whole focus for seven years has been G, to the point that I've been driven to inaction just so I can be there for G.  I ran into this problem when I tried to be a SAHM.  I just spent time with G and neglected everything else because... what if G needed me?

Flash forward to today and I'm still anchored by my fear of not being there for G.  My boat is stuck.  I'm using her as an anchor instead of a sail.  She should be inspiring me to do more, BE more than what I am.

But I'm not letting her.  I tell her that Mommy needs to get a job and she gets sad.  She enjoys her time with me as much as I do with her, so that makes change hard.  But if she sees me go out and be something other than a couch potato, maybe I'll be able to inspire her to do more, BE more than what her mom is.

Granted, my butt is on the couch because I write and critique and research all day, and my back can't handle the dining room table.  I do light housework and all sorts of little things to keep the house running as well.  So I've gotta give myself credit there.

But I don't think I'll ever escape the need to contribute financially to the house.  Hopefully, this writing thing will take off and I can work hard at bringing stories to the youth of the world while getting paid something to do it.

I don't think I'll escape the need to write either.  Then again, I don't want to.

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