Temporary Housewife

Once upon a time, there was a young girl with her whole life ahead of her.  She dreamed about what she would be when she grew up.  An actress?  Writer?  Marine biologist?  And what did she become by the time she grew up? Who knows?  She is still waiting to grow up. I find myself still unemployed, still battling my illness, still leaning out the window squinting into the far distance searching for meaning in this world.  Still searching for what I'm supposed to be when I grow up.  It pains me to think of all the years I spent being something I really am not.  I should have kept the geology deal to a fervent hobby instead of a career.  While I don't wish to go back in time to change my life (because my life lead me to Gracie), I do wonder why I made the choices I made in life.  Why did I choose St. Norbert for math instead of Knox College for writing?  Why did I choose grad school instead of a lucrative entry level position with the USGS down in Florida?  Why did I choose

1. I have two posts that I've written but I never hit "Publish" because they are about my condition and they seemed like total downers.  One was even entitled "On Being A Debbie Downer". Here's the thing: I need to start working with my therapist on accepting this new reality.  It isn't going away.  Medication isn't going to fix it all.  I'm going to be a hot mess some days.  I'm going to have good days.  That's called life, amiright? 2. My therapist cancelled on me today, which I'm 99% okay with.  I've got another appt scheduled on the 26th. 3. I'm doing okay.  I'm not amazing, but I'm not in the pits.  I'm working every day to try to be better.  I read my devotionals, try to eat well, do my little meditations, try to be kind to myself, take my meds.  I need to get exercise on my schedule but it falls under the category of Impossible Task so I only get to it about once per week.  And I can't examine why