Skip to main content

Makin' Bacon

I am currently in the kitchen right now, pan frying bacon.

And I'm going to confess something I haven't really admitted to myself until just now: I hate making bacon.  It sprays all over the place and it is reaaaaallllllyy tedious work.  I've been at it for 10 minutes now and I am not even through a quarter of a pound.

"But Lori!" you say.  "Lori!  Use the oven!"

EVEN WORSE.  That skin melting spatter that is on my stovetop is then transferred to a small, blazing hot space where the spatter gets cooked into smoke that my smoke detectors tell me is not good.  I mean, I love me some bacon smell but I do not care for burned bacon odor. 

Even better: I'm cooking two pounds of bacon!  Because of my stupid Whole30 that I did to myself so thank you so much, Lori, for that brilliant idea, I can't eat the normal bacon because SUGAR.  So I'm doing a pound of my special rainbow starlight bacon and a pound of porky normal bacon.

And I am not behaving like a little sugar deprived child because of my life choices.  I just don't like making bacon.  Period.

I'm sure this is just like what a runner goes through, one of the normal runners who hate running?  The ones who do it to stay in shape but begrudgingly puts on her runners and cold weather gear and sets off in the bitter cold but is hating every step until that moment when the endorphins kick in (or the run is done, thank goodness) and then life is wonderful.  You feel great!  Alive!  Exhausted, but in a good way!

That is how I hope to feel about my experience cooking bacon today.

Great!  Alive!  Exhausted but in a good way!  But in my case? 

Belly full of bacon.  I think I win in this situation. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bullies

When you are in the moment, it is hard to imagine anything more heart wrenching than holding your child when she cries about being bullied.  What is more heart wrenching?  Knowing it is your fault. I've gone through life with my fair share of bullies.  Sometimes it was because I was flat out weird.  But most of the time it was my size.   Even when I wasn't even heavy, I considered myself fat and some of my peers agreed.  They agreed so vehemently that they decided to remind me of my size, especially during gym class.  Later in life, in my 30's, I was actually mooed at.  Seriously.  And it sucked being made fun of because of my looks. However.  One of the glorious parts of being 41 is that you just don't give a shart about what people think of you anymore.  Yes, I'm fat.  I have blue eyes, brown (going silver!) hair, and I am medically defined as being morbidly obese.  I try to remedy that diagnosis because...

Weird White Stuff

I spent the weekend away in the far away land called Chetek where Schmidts of all ages and sizes and alternate last names converge for the annual ritual of Winter Party.  Winter Party is in its' seventh year, I believe, and instead of flying 1000 miles to attend, G and I now can drive less than 300 miles and be at the front door of my parents' property out in the wilds of Barron County.  Indeed, at this time of the year, the yard does look barren with near zero (or subzero) temperatures and just a dusting of snow.  Even way up north, the snow was scarce.  Usually, we send the kiddies outside to barrel down the snow covered hill on sleds and tubes.  But there was a change of plans this year considering the yard was a frozen slip n' slide instead of a soft cushy bounty of snow.  Only the older kids were allowed to sled (much to the dismay of my own kid) out of fear of injury due to out of control speeds.  My dad put down some large amounts of hay to ke...

Gary is driving me NUTS

Or was. Gary is our main floor toilet and he was pissing me off so much.  For as long as we've lived here, Gary has been intermittently running on an off.  Sometimes every hour.  Sometimes every 5 minutes.  But he ran.  He ran like his life depended on it. Many attempts were made over the last year and a half, mostly fiddling with the float level.  Yet he kept running. But not today, Gary.  Not today!  There is only so much a woman can take, listening to the sudden swoosh of water filling the tank at seemingly random times. I did it.  Researched it, then I read the tank lid (Kohler has a lovely schematic and trouble shooting guidelines right there on the toilet).  I went to the local hardware store and called up Kohler right there in the aisle to make sure I was buying the right item.  I was, went home, chiseled out the old, worn, disgusting seal and replaced it with a bright yellow new one. And that sound you hea...