And also: sugar is the devil.
Let's start from the beginning. This being brain sick is for the birds. Do birds cry? Didn't Prince make a song about dove's crying? When they cry, do they like REALLY cry, with tears and boogers coming out of their nose holes?
<off to the Google>
Well how about that! They do have tear ducts! But they do not cry. Not like what I do on my bad days.
The good news is that I had five really lovely normal days of living. No crying, no self loathing, no gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair. NO DRAMA. It was wonderful. I spent time with G and it was... almost easy to be alive. Sure, I had my responsibilities and normal frustrations, but my reactions to such minor hardships were in proportion to said hardship. Like on Saturday, we did Christmas cookies. I accidentally doubled a recipe and almost lost it... but I didn't! I was stressed and mildly overwhelmed, but I didn't back away from it all and hide in the bathroom to sob it out.
I do that. That's what this can look like sometimes. Ugly crying in the fetal position in a bathroom. Like Kim Kardashian ugly crying. Eeesh.
But instead, I finished making 88 Oreo truffles as my kid coached me through relaxation techniques. And that was great.
Sunday was good. Football (even though my team lost), rest and relaxation. Even Monday was good, but I started to feel the slip that evening. I could barely keep my eyes open to read to G at night. In fact, after one measly chapter, I told her that I wasn't feeling well and had to go to bed (it was 8:30pm). She lamented that I'm always not feeling well. I clumsily kissed her on her forehead, exhausted, and told her that my brain is making me tired, and I'm sorry. That kid is resilient.
I'm thinking that there might be a connection between myself having my good days and how much sugar I consume. The more sugar, the more likely I have a meltdown. And the more Kleenex I need.
I just ate four of those Oreo truffles, right? Right. And I'm pretty sure that this will allow my mood to suffer, right? Right. So the conclusion is that SUGAR IS THE DEVIL. Even though I know I will likely have a negative reaction to the stuff, I still had mouthful. Why on earth would I do that to myself?
Therefore I pledge here and now that I will refrain from eating any of the sweets until Christmas Eve! I'll even keep track on Facebook. FB keeps you honest. Right.
So I use more Kleenex than a normal human being. So I'm having a couple of bad days. So I might have a sugar sensitivity and I'm finding this out during the holiday season. So what, I say! SO WHAT! I'm alive, and despite whatever obstacles are in my life, I'm so grateful to have made it to Christmas.
I told this to a friend of mine yesterday, and I'm going to repeat it here. I read in my daily devotionals that I should show gratitude for the problems in my life. Why would anyone be thankful for their problems? Because of the teachable moments hidden within. With every struggle we face, we exercise the mental muscles to keep us limber and strong in the face of adversity. We gain so much by struggling. Without suffering, there can be no joy. Whatever I think is hard right now, no matter the pain, I am grateful for it. Because I'm alive. Because when I mess up a recipe, I have enough strength to not flip out and just make 88 cookies instead of only 44. Because my valleys are surrounded by mountains with spectacular views. Because as annoying it is to have an emotional nut ball in the house, my family loves me, warts and all.
As Wreck-it Ralph says in the final line of his eponymous movie, if this little kid likes me:
How bad can I be?
Let's start from the beginning. This being brain sick is for the birds. Do birds cry? Didn't Prince make a song about dove's crying? When they cry, do they like REALLY cry, with tears and boogers coming out of their nose holes?
<off to the Google>
Well how about that! They do have tear ducts! But they do not cry. Not like what I do on my bad days.
The good news is that I had five really lovely normal days of living. No crying, no self loathing, no gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair. NO DRAMA. It was wonderful. I spent time with G and it was... almost easy to be alive. Sure, I had my responsibilities and normal frustrations, but my reactions to such minor hardships were in proportion to said hardship. Like on Saturday, we did Christmas cookies. I accidentally doubled a recipe and almost lost it... but I didn't! I was stressed and mildly overwhelmed, but I didn't back away from it all and hide in the bathroom to sob it out.
I do that. That's what this can look like sometimes. Ugly crying in the fetal position in a bathroom. Like Kim Kardashian ugly crying. Eeesh.
But instead, I finished making 88 Oreo truffles as my kid coached me through relaxation techniques. And that was great.
Sunday was good. Football (even though my team lost), rest and relaxation. Even Monday was good, but I started to feel the slip that evening. I could barely keep my eyes open to read to G at night. In fact, after one measly chapter, I told her that I wasn't feeling well and had to go to bed (it was 8:30pm). She lamented that I'm always not feeling well. I clumsily kissed her on her forehead, exhausted, and told her that my brain is making me tired, and I'm sorry. That kid is resilient.
I'm thinking that there might be a connection between myself having my good days and how much sugar I consume. The more sugar, the more likely I have a meltdown. And the more Kleenex I need.
I just ate four of those Oreo truffles, right? Right. And I'm pretty sure that this will allow my mood to suffer, right? Right. So the conclusion is that SUGAR IS THE DEVIL. Even though I know I will likely have a negative reaction to the stuff, I still had mouthful. Why on earth would I do that to myself?
Therefore I pledge here and now that I will refrain from eating any of the sweets until Christmas Eve! I'll even keep track on Facebook. FB keeps you honest. Right.
So I use more Kleenex than a normal human being. So I'm having a couple of bad days. So I might have a sugar sensitivity and I'm finding this out during the holiday season. So what, I say! SO WHAT! I'm alive, and despite whatever obstacles are in my life, I'm so grateful to have made it to Christmas.
I told this to a friend of mine yesterday, and I'm going to repeat it here. I read in my daily devotionals that I should show gratitude for the problems in my life. Why would anyone be thankful for their problems? Because of the teachable moments hidden within. With every struggle we face, we exercise the mental muscles to keep us limber and strong in the face of adversity. We gain so much by struggling. Without suffering, there can be no joy. Whatever I think is hard right now, no matter the pain, I am grateful for it. Because I'm alive. Because when I mess up a recipe, I have enough strength to not flip out and just make 88 cookies instead of only 44. Because my valleys are surrounded by mountains with spectacular views. Because as annoying it is to have an emotional nut ball in the house, my family loves me, warts and all.
As Wreck-it Ralph says in the final line of his eponymous movie, if this little kid likes me:
How bad can I be?
Amen and that little sweet pea loves YOU to the moon and back!
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