I read a variety of blogs for different reasons: recipes, home inspiration, fashion inspiration, lifestyle inspiration, to find kindred spirits in mommyhood. One such blogger recently wrote a post to her former 20's self... I think that's nifty, and because I'm currently out of my own clever ideas, I thought I'd do the same.
Dear Lori In Your 20's,
Ok lady. You are in your twenties. Life seems like A LOT right now. A LOT. You feel absolutely awful about yourself, your self esteem has completely bottomed out. You are lonely and angry and sad and awful to yourself and sometimes even to the people who love you.
Yes, they love you. I promise they do. I know it feels like you are hated and unloved right now, but it really isn't the truth.
Depression lies, my dear, and you are in the thick of it. And you will be in the thick of it for years to come. I wish I could save you that agony of years and years of depressive episodes, but I can't. You need to go through that. There is something out there that is super common that people share ALL the time now called a meme. Not a "me me" but a "mehm". At least that's how I think it's pronounced. You never will quite have all your shit together, but you will forgive yourself for that eventually.
Anyway. Here is the meme.
I KNOW, RIGHT? Mind blown. People send these things all the time on the Internet. Seriously, people either make fun of stuff, post revelatory phrases, wish people happy birthday with a picture in the background. It's like digital motivational posters.
You will also own a pocket secretary called a "smart phone". Side note: that kick ass chick Jess you met in theater and introduced you to playing Shadowrun at the BIG house? She married Mike and you love her to pieces and she's the godmother to your daughter. And puppy. Just FYI.
Speaking of amazing friends, you are still in contact with most of your college buddies, mostly in thanks to an Internet invention called Facebook. Not Myspace. Seriously: college gave you some of the best friendships of your life, girl.
So, yeah, you are going to continue to go through lots of stuff in your life, but eventually, you bloom into me, and I am amazing.
I wish I could tell you that geology really was the right path, and science really is your thing. Acting was fun, but it wasn't really your passion otherwise you'd actually try harder at it. Losing parts and flubbing auditions actually made you better prepared for life's regular rejections. It's ok. You made it.
I wish I could tell you that your struggle with your mental issues are real and nothing to be ashamed of. I wish I could tell you to fork over the money you didn't have in your 20's for solid therapy and to get over your fear of medications. They will save your life some day.
I wish I could tell you that you will find love (ha! Everyone told you so! It happened!) and you will marry that man of your dreams and you will have a beautiful daughter together.
You will actually own not one, not two, but three dogs by the time you are 40. I know it sounds awful, and honestly it sometimes sucks (especially after the spring thaw and your backyard is a horror scene) but those three souls will give you joy. Just don't admit it to your husband.
I wish I could tell you to make sure you visit Grandma and Grandpa more often, because you have less time than you think with them. And Grandpa's mind is going to start going very soon (if it hasn't already) so time is short to make more memories. They will go while you are far away and you will have a hard time forgiving yourself for not making more of an effort.
I wish I could tell you to take care of your freakin' body! Add that to your therapy bill, learn to love to exercise, don't care when your roommate teases you for going out for a run, get into racquetball, don't drink so much, and stay away from the bean burritos at Taco Bell. And for the love of all that is holy, you are going to try to be a vegetarian and I wish I could tell you that being a vegetarian does not mean all you can eat pasta and cheese. Because you will hang on to all that pasta and cheese until your late 20's. BTW, your current body composition will be ... a.... happy surprise! You turn into a super model! Congratulations!
In all seriousness: appreciate the body you have. You will never ever have that body. Accept it. Embrace it. Don't let it keep you from having the healthiest body you can achieve.
Being 40 is no joke.
Which reminds me! When you are at Comedy Sportz and you want to do a back bend off of the stage to show off ? DON'T. You will pay highly for that stunt for the next 20 years, I promise you.
I wish I could tell you all of these things, but you are a stubborn woman and I don't think you would have listened anyway. You had loads of wonderful people in your life try to guide you to see how marvelous you were, how incredible the world was, and how special to have the life you were indeed fortunate to have. People will hurt you and you will hurt people. You will learn how to hold impressive grudges, but you will then also learn peaceful forgiveness.
Most of all, for everything you blame yourself for in your life, you will eventually forgive yourself.
I imagine that letters from a well meaning future you aren't nearly as formative as life itself.
Therefore, in closing, I wish I could tell you to buckle up, have your liver brace itself, and hold on for an incredible decade.
Love you!
Comments
Post a Comment